The Dance of the Pittsburghers

There is a dance that all Pittsburghers have to learn around the time they turn 16.

I never learned it growing up in Texas.

It wasn't one a the dances they taught in my Social Dance Class at BYU.

Even in Philadelphia I didn't need to learn this dance.

It was when I moved to Pittsburgh that I had to learn real quick.

No one ever explained the dance steps to me.  I learned by watching others and then I practiced the steps my self.  I made mistakes at the beginning, but I've been getting better and I have gone several months without messing up so far.  Sometimes when I'm in the middle of dancing I think I'm about to mess up but I've come out just fine.

More often than not you will dance with complete strangers and then never see them again.  Some people talk to their partner during this dance even though their partner will never hear them so many people use gestures as well.

Your feet will not get tired while you dance.  You use them very little.  They only have to tap slightly up and down.  You don't even have to be very musically inclined.  No one cares if you can move to a beat.  People listen to a variety of music during this dance; some might even be dancing to a book on tape or talk radio.

This dance is danced in your car.  Almost all of the neighborhood roads here are two-way roads which would be fine because they are wide enough for two cars to easily pass each other going opposite directions.  The problem arises because most people don't have driveways so they also park on these streets.  These streets are no way no how three cars wide.  So we learn to dance.

I've mapped out the dances for you so if you ever visit you will know what to do.  The dances are listed in order of difficulty from least to most challenging.

Dance #1 The Side to Side (solo dancing) - When you are driving down a street and you see a car parked in front of you, you swerve over to the left side of the street until you safely pass the parked car.  Then you may swerve back to the right side of the street.

Dance #2 The Stop and Go (group dancing) - When you are driving down the street and you see a car parked in front of you but there is also another car driving toward you so you can not swerve to the left side of the street. In this dance you stop before the parked car, wait for the on-coming car to pass, then you may go around the parked car.  Variation #1  If multiple cars are coming in consecutive order you must stop and wait until there is a big enough break in the congo line for you to sa-shay around the parked car.  Variation #2 There may come a time when a car is coming toward you but there is a car parked in front of him and he should be the one stopping for you.  The rules to this dance change when that car is bigger than you or does not look like he is going to stop.  You must be vigilant in this dance.  Safety first.  You have to be the better person.  If the other car is not slowing down you will need to stop in your lane so he has enough room to swerve around the parked car into your lane and back into his before you can go.

Dance #3 The Do-si-do (partner dancing) -  When you are driving down the street and you see a car parked in front of you and 50 yards or so down the road there is a car coming toward you and another car parked on his side of the street.  (This happens a lot more often than you may think) Now you do-si-do.  Almost simultaneously you both swerve into each others lanes as you pass the parked cars but to avoid the second parked car you have to swerve back into your own lanes without hitting each other.  This dance is my favorite and it is beautiful when executed correctly.

These dances will need to be repeated in random order several times before you reach your destination.

Now if you ever come to Pittsburgh you will know how to dance.